It’s about time. I have been avoiding this process for the over two years since I turned 17 when I became legally able to start driving lessons. My anxiety kept telling me that it would inevitably be a big disaster, I would be the worst learner ever, my instructor would shout at me, that I would fail at every hurdle and that I wouldn’t have the perseverance to keep going when things got difficult.
So, for these past two years, I have let anxiety dictate my life. I have limited myself in regards to the places I can and can’t go since I have not had the ability to drive anywhere and the public transport I have access to is unreliable at best. I have felt frustrated whilst I yearned for the freedom of being able to take off and go where I want to at a moment’s notice when in reality I have to pester my mum for days if I ever wanted to get driven somewhere.
So, my anxiety has facilitated my staying safely inside my comfort zone rather than challenging myself or testing my limits.
Today though, I have just had my second ever driving lesson. I stalled a few times, slammed on the brakes like a maniac often and had the steering control of an erratic toddler but I did it. I survived. I am making progress.
Nothing and nobody can take what I did today away from me. I am expanding my horizons and I will not be ashamed that I am doing so at a slower rate than most others. It will take me a good while to gain any sort of confidence or self-belief in my driving ability but I don’t care. I will no longer be trapped by the anxious voice inside my head telling me that I am incapable or too stupid to achieve this dream of mine. I want to give myself the freedom which driving allows and I know the confidence boost I will receive when I finally gain my licence will do me the world of good and will be a big middle finger towards the vicious voices which tell tales to me all day, everyday inside my head.
Some articles which can help tackle driving anxiety: